Well....life is certainly suprising.....

[RaceDriver53]

Congrats Des!!

[Deslock]

Thanks guys...

Well congrats des, you better get all those late night games of KZ3 in as you can. Pretty soon that won't be an option lol.

Tell me about it....

I'm halfway to the highest rank in the darn game.

I am just soooo not ready for this.

[Deslock]

Like some have said a few things before; if you guys have ANY advice, I'll gladly listen to it. Everyone I know keeps telling me that I will in no doubt be an overprotective Dad, but not in a bad way...lol !.

My wife is getting tons of advice and offers from her friends, but from what I can tell, fathers just seem to have to "wing" it on their own. My own father has to have been one of the shittiest examples on God's green earth, and by God, I will do everything in my power to be everything he wasn't. So I don't have a good personal role model from my own past, to know what to do and not do. I guess I'll need to see if I can find some good books on the subject, as this all is entirely new territory for me, and a total unknown. Especially at my age. I've kinda figured to look upon my own life, think about what my father did, and then do the exact opposite to what he did to/for me.

I have no idea about how to be a father. I never had one.

But I do know that the mistakes you make, or the things you say or do, or don't say or do; can affect your child for a lifetime. And that's a pretty scary thought....

The responsibilty totally scares the Hell out of me. Not that I'm not up to the challenge, but I've avoided it all of my life up to now. Now I have no choice but to take up the gauntlet.

God bless you all;

Des.

[Jackalhead]

I dunno man. Don't sweat it too much. Be *involved* and nature will take it's course. I never thought I could actually *love* anything or anyone as much as I love my little guy. I know half of that is biological imperative, but it's also that I'm around and able to experience him.

Also, don't sweat it if you feel like you're just running through the motions during the baby years. I was there, and did my part, but never really connected until Finn was more interactive. Talking to other men, a lot of them felt this way. Babies are cool and all, but tend to be sponges...they don't give back much. It's still important to go to the doctor's appointments and whatever you can (unfortunately one of the parents is usually necessarily busier than the other, having to earn money and whatnot. . . you do miss out on some stuff).

It's an amazing responsibility, but it's not *hard*. People will wistfully tell you to enjoy every moment you can "because they grow so fast". . . DO THIS, but also understand that those nights at 4am when the little bastard won't sleep and just KEEPS CRYING are better forgotten. :)

Have fun. If you make a mistake, forgive yourself. If your partner makes a mistake, don't make a big deal of it. They're resilient. If you lose it and tell your toddler to 'shut the F up', it's not the end of the world. Just cool off, go back and talk about why you lost your temper.

Blah blah blah. :) Biggest thing we learned is that everyone will have advice, and everyone will have an opinion. Wisest thing to do is listen, but don't take it all to heart. There is no one right way to raise a kid.

[Hogezz]

Don't forget to focus on your wife. This is one you can loose track of and if you booth focus on the baby too much and forget yourselves its not good. Make Time to be a family. Even now while she's a pregnant cut down heavy on the 'me' time. Some kids sleep a lot, so you'll get your time back later when they're older. My little guy sleeps for 9 hours plus and then some more during the day. CUT DOWN ON THE DRINK.... for the first year at least. VERY least. You will panic when you bump his head when hammered. It's not a nice feeling. Take it in turns to let your hair down and if you have family that can help give you some time off from looking after the kiddo, make sure you do, as you don't want to loose sight of your relationship with her. Kids are tough on parents. DONT forget that like I did.

[Deslock]

I thank you guys for your advice, I truly appreciate it.

Thank you.

[DARKHELMET]

Congratulations Deslock!

[Brocman]

I guess I'll need to see if I can find some good books on the subject, as this all is entirely new territory for me, and a total unknown.

I don't have a kid Des, not sure if I ever will but if you ask me I think that is how it should be. You shouldn't be prepared for it. You should be totally unprepared for it. That is what makes life interesting, right?

[Zabka]

Hogez gave the advice I was going to offer. It is easy to be partners in parenting and cease to be spouses. That's not good for the child either to have parents who aren't functioning properly as a unit.

I was different with the baby. I couldn't get enough of my babies. Just loved holding them and making them smile (doesn't really happen until 3 months). They were just amazing to me. But the real fun (and work) was when they got older and interactive. The key--which I fail at often--is patience with them and with your wife. It's a hard thing to do. I know you are a man of faith, so perhaps try to lean on your faith in the trying times and rejoice in your faith for the blessing your child is/will be.

By the way--you can never be ready for what you are about to undergo. So don't fret.

[nd32479]

-Be a husband to your wife and a father to your kid. Remember son's learn how to treat women based on how their mother is treated and girls learn to accept how their mother is treated.
-Be involved in their life but don't give up yours
-Kids will live up to your expectations. So set them high and support them on their journey.
-Have family time and rituals. The rituals help provide a sense of belonging and structure. It could be Family dinners, movie nights, holidays, special vacation spots, etc.
-Be consistant and pick your battles. Remember, if you set a rule...you have to follow it and enforce it. So make sure the rule really matters. If you are like me, you may set rules to make you feel better, more comfortable or help you feel more "in control".
-Let kids take risks and fail on their own. We failed at this one and my daughter "just let's things happen" and struggles with making decision. This is because her mother and I did TOO MUCH for her growing up and was over protective. So she is behind of these life skills for her age.

Like others said, you can't be fully prepared. It is IMPOSSIBLE. But I will say, you will find yourself repeating some of your parents behaviors that you SWORE you would never do. They have been imprinted on you and tend to come out when things get tough. If you know there are certain behaviors that you DO NOT want to repeat, then don't be afraid to reach out to a "life coach" to help develop better behaviors.

Des, you will be fine. Just love em and remember on day one, you only have to know how to change diapers. The next thing you need to learn is how to "baby proof" your house. And you have about 10 months to figure that out (when she will be crawling). Kids go through phase in their development...but we do as parents as well. And THANK GOD for that!

[Deslock]

Well, it seems God had other plans.

Very heartbroken and sad right now, but trying to make the best of things.

I want to thank you all for all for all of your kind words and support, and I love you guys so much.

My wife was having some problems a few days ago and went to the ER because she thought something might be wrong. Sadly, she was correct.

Seems I'm not going to be a Dad after all. At least not right now.

[nd32479]

My heart goes out to you and your wife. As you've probably heard it is common to miscarry in the first trimester and even the second. The good news is you know conception IS possible if you both want to try again. Maybe it was Gods plan to say its still possible if you want.

A word of advice. Your wife's head is going to be all over the place. Women can really feel guilty and blame themselves. Plus she still has weird hormones racing through her body right now. So just be there for her on her terms and let her know it is just nature/God saying ... Not this time and has nothing to do with something she did or did not do.

Got mad love for ya bro. Let me know if you need ANYTHING. I mean that!

[APAT]

This is very disappointing. I think you'd make a great dad Des. Hopefully you'll get the chance to in the future.

[Deslock]

I thank you ND and Apat for your kind words. It truly means a lot to me.

Two shocks in one month is a bit much, but I'll deal with it.

For myself it's just sadness, but I really feel for my poor wife as it's always been a dream of hers to be a Mom. But she's being a true trooper and carrying on even though I think it's harder for her than she lets on to.

I always thought of myself as a "badass", but she's so much more than me, or more of a fighter than I could ever be.



God bless you all.

I truly mean that.

[Jackalhead]

God, I'm sorry man. My wife just hit me with a shocker tonight. We *would* have been bringing home our second child at the end of the month. I guess it hit me kind of hard, because when she miscarried I was pretty stoic and supportive. I guess I didn't let myself go through enough of a mourning. What we went through was a 'blighted ovum', so there wasn't really any conception at all. . . but still had to go through all the surgical processes and stuff.

I'm sorry for you and your wife, and the only thing I can offer is to remember to take care of yourself as well as your wife.