Random Quotes

[5-Star]

"Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs."
"Oh my God, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!"
"Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs."
"Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a fucking beard! They're mammals!"

[captnjeter]

Ah, yes! The ol' Random Quote Thread. I've had my share of fun with these from a message board I was on about a year and a half before joining DSA. Lots of Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings quotes to go around back then. I even saved some quotes from school I put on there.

"You've seen a ship with black sails, that's crewed by the damned, and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out?"
"No"
"No?"
"But I have seen a ship with black sails!"
"Oh! So no other ship with black sails couldn't possibly be crewed by the damned, couldn't possibly captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out, couldn't possibly be the Black Pearl!? Is that what you're saying!?"
Nodding his head "No!"

"You're supposed to be dead!?"
"Am I not?"

[Zabka]

"How do you know she is a witch?"

"She turned me into a newt! ......I got better."

[Rdaug27]

"Black Blood of the Earth"
"You mean oil."
"No, Black Blood of the Earth!"

"....I'm the Dude, or Duder, his Dudeness or El Duderino if your not into the whole brevity thing."

" I did not watch my friends die face down in the muck......"

" When I take these off you look normal but with them on, formaldihyde face."

[Dioxin]

These are great days we're living, bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we're gonna miss not having anyone around that's worth shooting.

[CHRIST]

Mad Real World

"Tyree, you stabbed my dad! And you had sex with Katie."
"Hey man, you got that all wrong. I ain't had sex with Katie. Lysol had sex with Katie. I just filmed it."
"No, Tyree, you had sex with me too."
"Correction: I had sex with Katie."

Clerks 2

"That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey."

"And what's with that gay fucking look, I thought Sam was going to saunter over Frodo and suck his fucking cock. Now that would have been an Academy Award worthy ending."
"Hey faggot, Sam and Frodo aren't gay! Their hobbits!"
"And then after the Frodo and Sam suckfest, just before the credits roll, Sam straight up fucking bricks in Frodo's mouth."

Holy Grail

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

Snakes on a Plane

"I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

"Pretty soon we'll go down faster than a Thai hooker!"

and the quote in my sig

[UncleRico]

Wow I can't believe no one (DH,cough cough) has posted this one....

"Evil will always win, because good is DUMB!"

Ahh, Monty Pyhton's Flying circus, "Git Olympics"

To set the scene, the competition is jumping over a wall of match boxes!

"Ohh, and he prepares to jump......Oh no, and he has jumped the wrong way"
-idiot jumps backwards-

Talladega Knights(best movie ever)-

"Cut around the meat, its like a deer!"

"Help me Jesus, help me Allah, help me Jewish god, help me Tom Cruise!...... Tom Cruise use your witchcraft to get the fire of a ma butt!!!"

"Vicious stray dogs are not your friend, but when you see one, always approach it to pet it, or lie down with your neck exposed!"

"I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger."

"I'm also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Not like a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly like, 'hey, what's up guys?.... Want some crack?' "

[Andy]

English mother****** do you speak it!!

“A funny thing happened on the way to the electronic revolution: we all ended up sitting at desks and working at computer terminals, with wrist pain, sore necks and backs, and stiff joints. Now high tech can be a lot healthier. These simple stretching routines — to be performed while sitting at a desk, standing at the copier, or talking on the phone — improve circulation, relieve stress, and soothe sore muscles. No equipment necessary!”

Obi-Wan: I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did. It's your father's lightsaber. This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or as random as a blaster, but an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. For over a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic. Before the dark times, before the Empire.

If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.
-Charles Barkley

I'm tired of hearing about money money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.
-Shaquille O'Neal

"I'll always remember this as the night that Michael Jordan and I combined for 70 points." Said after Michael Jordan scored a career high 69 points and Stacey King scored 1 point against the Cavaliers.

Coconuts don't migrate!

What is the airspeed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?
African or European?
Well I dont know that.

I DON'T WANT SPAM!!!

[RaTix]

"I will ruin this (enter object to be ruined) with my anger"

"Venture ingenuity Deano, you have got to try this. It feels like someone with a fever is shouting in my pants."

"You tell em Scrotus"

"You know what, I'm not even gonna flush. LET THEM WITNESS THE WRATH OF THE MONARCH!!"

"Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here"

"Good, bad.. I'm the guy with the gun."

"It works if you work it so work it your worth it."

[CHRIST]

"Ya it looks like his head is covered in pubic hair, but it's ok it works, ya, cause you've got a dickface."

"I always sleep better with a little sausage in me"

"Looks like we got the Brits in round 1. We already kicked their asses in WWII. Cheer-i-o, let's do it again!"

"Shove off! We're gonna put the skitters in your Alan Whickers, you plonker!"
"Do you know what he's saying?"

"Yeah, you Americans, why don't you go back to the stable house und drink your Zimas and Smirnoff Ices!"

[Zabka]

"I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been...that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object. "

"I think he's right, there is something about this, that's that's so black, it's like; "How much more black could thisbe?" and the answer is: "None, none... more black."

[Rdaug27]

Ah the Venture Bros. lol My favorite was this one from them.
Boys were fighting in the back of the jet.
"He started it!
Dr. Venture "No I started it years ago in a moment of pation, and I'm about to end it in another moment of pation right now!"

Talledega Nights
"Hey Ricky whats it been like four months"
"Eight years"

Up in Smoke
"No thats my dick. Here's the real shit right here."....pulls out a joint
"Geez I hope your dicks bigger than that man. It looks like a toothpick"

[Rdaug27]

Sorry somehow my post got in here twice lol.

[CHRIST]

"Did he say 'cock stain'? What the fuck is cock stain?"
"That must be some white freaky stuff. White guys get white women to do anything. You want to do a cock stain later?"

"You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah... be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien lifeform... and fuck it. People would be like, "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a martian once."

"[dancing to "Goodbye, Horses"] Would you fuck me?... I'd fuck me... I'd fuck me hard..."

bit more vulgar, but it is from jay

haha it only censors out the most basic form of the word, but not anyother tense of extended words

[captnjeter]

This is from a demented Rouge Squadron game.
Me: *As Luke Skywalker, kills himself to destroy the Shield Generator on the Jade Moon*
Crix Madine: Was that Skywalker?
Me: (Apparently has one more life left) *as Luke* Yes, that was me.

At Holloween Spectactular
Mark: *To a little kid* Would you like some candy?
Kid: No.
Me: These kids must not like candy.
Mark: I know! Candy on Halloween, that's preposterous.

Journal for english: A phone call that changed your life.
Andrew: I saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to Geico

A selection from the insanity of my Oral Communications class last week when we read our Euolgies.
"He destroyed the armies of Mordor but met his untimely death when he tried to take on the Lolipop Guild."
"As you, may have heard on the news, last week, Bigfoot was captured. Unfortunately, my cousin (me) was one of the casualties... I can still remember as he screamed 'SASQUATCH, YOU BASTARD!'"
(Still mine)"As he not only engaged in an epic lightsaber duel against the two villians, but flat out defeated them."

A sample of my lousy audio editing skills
Me: *at the end of messing around in the production studio* We fucking suck!
After the edit...
Me: We fuck.

Chris: Go to hell. Wait, no. I'm sorry. Burn in hell.