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Tennessee
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his bright young secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "LuLu-Belle, you graduated from the University of Tennessee ... I got a question for you. If I were to give you $22,750, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Alabama
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But Hell, I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
Louisiana
A senior at LSU was overheard saying... "When the end of the
world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your damn pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but hey I got his license
number!"
Georgia
A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-75. The trooper asked, "Got any I. D. ?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut"
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got me a flat tire." The passerby asked, " OK-- so what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell ya to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither!"
And this from South Carolina
"You can say what you want about the South, but I ain't never heard of anyone retiring to the North!
Subject: Things Outsiders Have Learned While Living In Tennessee
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Tennessee.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Tennessee plus a couple no one's seen before.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
Onced and twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
People actually grow and eat okra. (YUM!!!)
Fixinto is one word.
There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there is supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
YOU KNOW YOUR FROM Tennessee IF:
You measure distance in minutes.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. (Oh so very true..lol)
You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store."
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You know what a "DAWG" is.
You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.
You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."
You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as"goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop . . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
Not EVERYONE can be a Tennessean, it's an art form and a gift from God!
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his bright young secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "LuLu-Belle, you graduated from the University of Tennessee ... I got a question for you. If I were to give you $22,750, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Alabama
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But Hell, I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
Louisiana
A senior at LSU was overheard saying... "When the end of the
world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your damn pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but hey I got his license
number!"
Georgia
A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-75. The trooper asked, "Got any I. D. ?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut"
North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got me a flat tire." The passerby asked, " OK-- so what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell ya to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither!"
And this from South Carolina
"You can say what you want about the South, but I ain't never heard of anyone retiring to the North!
Subject: Things Outsiders Have Learned While Living In Tennessee
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Tennessee.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Tennessee plus a couple no one's seen before.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
Onced and twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
People actually grow and eat okra. (YUM!!!)
Fixinto is one word.
There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there is supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."
DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
YOU KNOW YOUR FROM Tennessee IF:
You measure distance in minutes.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. (Oh so very true..lol)
You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store."
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You know what a "DAWG" is.
You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.
You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."
You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as"goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."
You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop . . . it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
Not EVERYONE can be a Tennessean, it's an art form and a gift from God!
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