http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

[norm]

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

(404): I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.

(214): She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.

(972): like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
(214): I hope to god you are high

(703): Did you fuck her?
(212): If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.

(954): Your an asshole
(1-954): Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
(954): My point exactly

[RageProphetXIII]

Ha ha

[captnjeter]

I love this site almost as much as FML!!!

[norm]

(508): Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
(617): Where are you?
(508): Strip Club

(347): Moan for me like Helen Keller

(302): it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other

(612): hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
(651): who is this?
(612): jesse's little brother

lol

[captnjeter]

(323): You got in a fight last night?
(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?