Tales of the technically inept

[norm]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0zt4opqL18"]YouTube- Best Tech Guy caller EVER with Leo Laporte[/ame]

http://clientsfromhell.tumblr.com/

For those that have done Tech Support, Web Design or any Design for that matter please post your tales here.

[TheRealHanSolo]

This guy totally wants to smack the shit out of this woman.

[RaTix]

It would be so much funnier if it wasn't so sad and true. I have had the exact conversation with dozens of people. It absolutely amazes me the level of stupidity some people posses.

Usually happens when you ask them to go power cycle the router and they say they can't because their neighbor isn't home.

Although worth noting, some gated communities actually supply a wifi signal for their residents. Either as just a free hot spot, or give them the WPA info to access the network.

Other greatest stupid moments include,

1. Asking a customer if they see an icon on their desktop, and they actually look on their desk or keyboard for it.

2. Telling them to hit the F8 key, and they hit F and 8.

3. Someone trying to use their mouse in a Bios screen or F8 menu, despite telling them to use the arrow keys on their keyboard.

4. Tech - "Right click on the icon and a menu should appear with some options."
Customer - "Nothing happened".
Tech - "RIGHT click on the icon, not left."
Customer - "I am right clicking on it."
Tech - "Ok, then click your other right button."
Customer - "Ok now I get a menu."

5. Always fun when you try to get them to enter a web address in the address bar. Only to have them tell you a list of results came up.
"Ma'am, try the long address bar at the top left of the browser that begins with HTTP. NOT the one on the right that says SEARCH".

6. Even simply turning off the computer can be a challenge for some.
Tech - "Please shut down the computer, just completely power it down. Wait 5 seconds then power it back on."
Customer - After only 10 seconds "Ok it's back to the desktop"
Tech - "It restarted that quickly?! Let's try that once more. shut it down, and tell me whats on the screen as it restarts."
Customer - "Ok well I hit the power button, the screen goes black. Then I turn it back on, and it's on my desktop."
Tech - "Ok let's try that once more, but this time hit the power button on the actual PC tower, the large box part of the computer, not the monitor."

I have a lot more I could go through. but I think that's enough for now. Starting to depress myself on my day off. lol.

[norm]

Ratix read through the website, you will cry with laughter.

The F8 thing is funny, for my wife she has a new gradebook program that one of the main keys to hit is F8 so she's had folks come to her asking why they can't print when the hit F-8...lol

The monitor thing always makes me chuckle. It's even better when they can't figure out why the monitor isn't on and it's unplugged.

The worst are the "So should I download Windows 2010 Virus? It says I have a virus!!". NO don't do it because the are trying to trick you. "But the computer says I have a virus!" Don't do it, it's a scam to get you to pay for something you don't need by giving your computer a fake scan and lying about the results. If you don't believe me go to trend micro and run an online scan or trust your AVG virus software.






























"I downloaded it now I have a ton of pop ups what do I do?!?!?!?!?!!?!?"


[insert picture of me banging my head against my desk]

[TheRealHanSolo]

I used to get people in Staples all the time saying: (with thick southern accent) I'm thinkin bout buyin one uh them computer thingys but I'm not computer literate so what do I need? Or my favorite: How do I turn the thing on? I was really close once to telling a guy look buddy I don't know how to fly a plane so I'm not gonna buy one, I suggest you take a class, get a certificate, then buy one.

[keyser28146]

I think the most frequent I used to get when covering tech support was:

"My Internet Explorer says "Internet Explorer provided by AT&T" but I LEFT AT&T and you guys are my provider, and every time I get on the internet, I go to their internet."

And then had to go through the paces of explaining that it was just a tag, that the home page didn't matter, then explain how a starting home page was basically a "favorite channel" on a TV, then explain how to change it, and usually in this process explaining what a right click was.

[RaTix]

I'm waiting for the day a customer tells me that a web page is getting in the way of his toolbars. I have seen customer's computers with like 10-20 toolbars, and only a small slit on the bottom of the browser for the actual web page. Which is why one of the first things I do is reset their IE.

"Where did all my toolbars go?"
"Well sir, you really don't need Ask Jeeves, Yahoo, Google, Bing, coupon bar, My WebSearch (spyware, and I actually had a customer that wanted it back), and the other 12 toolbars running at once. In fact I suggest you use none of them. If you want them back you will have to reinstall them yourself."

The best was a customer that actually purchased Antivirus 2009 (Yes the virus one) and used it for a year. when finally another fakealert got on, they wanted to know why the Antivirus 2009 didn't block it. How they used it that long without serious issues is beyond me.

[norm]

I know I should not have said anything. Woke up this morning to my wife saying she infected our computer with "Antivirus Soft". Oh joy! Wasted 30 mins of my life getting rid of it. Hijack This and Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware ftw!!

Let's see what it did. Blocked IE and inserted a proxy to load only their page, blocked the install of Hijack This and Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware so you have to change the name of the exe files and then install them, threw up a million pop-ups, blocked the task manager, and across the taskbar I had a few dozen red shields blocking everything. Pain in the ass.

lol

[RaTix]

LMAO

For good measure I strongly suggest you go into safe mode and also run ComboFix.

[keyser28146]

Damn. I don't run any virus protection at all. Only my linux machines are allowed web access and my windows machines have freaking LAN connections disabled.

[norm]

LOL

I will later when she's done with it.

It's like saying "we're going to win" or "this will never happen to me" as soon as you say it BAM!

[norm]

What I used to help get rid of a nasty Virut problem

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGDl-IMOt1g"]YouTube- How Clean A Patching Virus (Virut or Sality)[/ame]

Worked pretty good. So far no problems:D

[RaTix]

Glad it worked for you, but.. that guy is an idiot. Had to stop watching once he said to burn a CD. When giving remote support to someone, or someone with only one computer, the one that is infected, that's not an option. There are easier and other ways to remove it.

He should name that video how to install as much useless crap-ware possible to fix a virus.

The fact he was actually able to even get into Task Manager tells me it wasn't that bad of an infection. The funny thing is, he says he wishes all Anti-virus software had an app to show all the running processes. Yeah it's called fucking Task Manager. Or if you want to see the DLLs linked to a process, use Process Explorer.

Taskkill command is also useful to close out all virus type processes and

GMER and Avenger are also good at finding rootkits and such.

As I said, I am glad you got it fixed. But I spit on this guy's tutorial.

[norm]

Yeah I know Ratix it's not the best of videos, but it solved what I needed it too. Reading through the Virut stuff having a USB drive instead of a boot cd isn't the way to go with this thing. Depending on which one you have it'll infect the USB drive..lol Also I wasn't sure what would work the best for this infection. I almost put a Linux CD in to run it that way :D.

The stuff with the Comodo I didn't run, I just ran the Dr Web and the CureIt stuff and that got he worst of it off. From there I installed ComboFix and HiJack This and that got the rest of it. Overall I was just happy I didn't have to reinstall anything.

[thedaxxman]

I remember the days of working for Dell tech support like it was yesterday...
Blind Man: "I would like to know how I can use two monitors"
Me: Didn't know he was blind. "Have you hooked them up to the computer itself?"
Blind Man: "Yes"
Me: "And?"
Blind Man: "There's nothing. I may be blind but I know when somethings wrong"
Me: *HANG UP!!!!!*